How I Met My Nemesis
by Secret Agent G
Summary: My version of the events leading up to that fateful day outside the photo shop and beyond. Set four years ago in Perry's past. Definitely not slash or yaoi. That's just gross. Critical reviews are welcome, but no flaming, please.
1. The Practice Showdown

A chopping sound filled the air as a helicopter glided over a city. Inside the vehicle, someone wearing a mask opened a hatch that led outside. He muttered something to me in a low, muffled voice. I nodded, and then I did something that I usually only dreamed about.

I jumped right out and free-fell.

Then I seized a cord that seemed to appear out of thin air and pulled. A parachute appeared behind me, and I drifted slowly down. I landed on top of a purple building with a skylight, and I took the parachute off. Then I ran to the skylight and peered inside. No one was there. I crashed through the skylight and landed on the floor inside. As my eyes adjusted to the dark interior, I noticed something that I couldn't have seen from above. A hunched figure was standing in the shadows at the corner of the room. He said something that I couldn't hear, in a high but menacing voice that sent chills down my spine. Then he held something up and there was a clicking noise. Before I could react, metal arms shot out of the walls and seized my wrists and ankles. They lifted me into the air and prevented me from moving much. The man in the shadows laughed maniacally. My last thoughts were of how on earth I was going to carry on with my mission…

"Perry, wake up!"

I was suddenly jerked out of my dreams by a voice calling to me from somewhere above me. I opened my eyes and saw a rather bulgy-eyed dog looking at me, trembling uncontrollably. He barked once and backed off. I sat up and looked around. I was lying on the blue mat in the Agent Training hall. I had been training alone when I tried a new flip, and it didn't end well. I must have passed out on the mat. How embarrassing. I looked around and saw Pinky the Chihuahua sitting, panting, and scratching his ear. It was what he called 'multitasking'.

"Hey, hey, you're alive!" said Pinky excitedly. He was always like that.

"You already knew that," I said, rubbing my head. It hurt from landing on it, even if the mat was soft. "We just learned how to check each other's pulses, remember?"

"I know," said Pinky. "But hey, hey! Don't be so serious!" he barked a few times.

I rolled my eyes. Maybe it was because he had just gotten out of his first nemesis confrontation, or maybe it was because his owner always played with him until he was super hyped up, or maybe it was just because he was a Chihuahua, but Pinky was always panting, always excited, and always shaking. It seemed impossible for him to stop. I, on the other hand, was pretty calm most of the time. It was hard to remember why we were friends. I guess just because we were both called Agent P. His stood for Pinky. Mine stood for Perry.

Perry the Platypus, that is.

I'm in training to become an agent for the O.W.C.A., the Organization Without a Cool Acronym. I always wondered why they didn't have a cool acronym. I guess they just didn't. Anyhow, Pinky and I were aspiring to be in different divisions. I wanted to go for the more serious branch- Major Monogram's division. Pinky, hence his name, liked pink things. So he also liked Admiral Acronym's division. We had both gotten to about the point where we were supposed to practice foiling plans and things of that sort. Pinky, as I mentioned earlier, had just had his first showdown, and I was eager to find out how it had gone.

"So, how did your nemesis confrontation go?" I asked eagerly. I'd been told about the general outline of showdowns and how individual nemeses liked to do them, but you could never learn too much about things that could save your life.

"What'd you get?" I asked. Pinky shrugged.

"A test nemesis," he said simply.

"I know that," I said, frowning. "I meant, what level?"

He thought for a moment. "Easy," he concluded. "They give everybody easy."

It wasn't any less than I had expected. Pinky usually got the easy level on such things.

"So what happened?" I prompted.

Pinky scratched his ear once before continuing, showing his canine teeth with a huge grin. "Well," he started, shaking excitedly, "first, I broke in. Through the window!" he grinned happily. "Then I snuck into the lair, and I got trapped!"

"How?" I said. I was sure it would be something lame, like a cage.

"I got hung upside down by a rope!" he said happily. "By my feet!"

My eyes widened. I hadn't expected that.

"Then I heard the whole scheme, and I cut the rope with my hat, and we had a big fight!" he started leaping around the room, kicking at an invisible enemy and biting thin air.

"I'm sure it was very exciting," I said dryly. Pinky stopped and scowled.

"You would've known," he said resentfully. "You were supposed to be there."

It was true. I had tried to get in a little extra practice before going to see Pinky's showdown, but the flip had really done it. Pinky got out his prize-winning puppy-face, sparkly eyes and all. His ears dropped and his eyes only seemed to get bigger.

"Look, I would've been there, but as you could see…" I started, but he cut me off.

"You promised," he said, his lower lip trembling. A single tear rolled down his cheek. But his face was strained, as if he was trying not to smile. I raised an eyebrow.

"Wait," I said slowly. "You're not…I mean, you're just…ah, not again!"

Pinky burst out laughing, his puppy face evaporating into a huge grin. I groaned. He kept getting me like that, just to make me guilty if I forgot something. But he never held it long enough to really make me really sorry. If anything, he was just messing with me.

"Have you got your review yet?" I asked, trying to change the subject. Pinky tried to stop laughing, failed, and covered his mouth instead. Finally, he managed to calm down.

"No," he said. "You can at least show up for that."

I promised I would, and then a bell rang. An announcer came over the speakers and said,

_Attention! Agent P, please report to the practice lair. I repeat, report to the practice lair._

I stiffened. Pinky had had his turn. Now it was mine. Pinky grinned and walked me down the hall. When we got to a fork, he went left and I went right.

Before leaving, he gave me the thumbs up and barked, "Hey, hey! Good luck!"

I gave a quick thank you and hurried down the hall. Today, I was going to really shine. If I just tried hard enough and didn't screw up, I could get top marks. I could be a highly respectable agent, and I could get a worthy nemesis. And I could finally get out of Agent Training, which was basically high school with the addition of martial arts.

I reached the Practice Lair door and stopped. My heart pounded so loud that I was sure everyone would hear. I wished I had a good luck charm or something to squeeze. But before I could get too nervous and run away, the door opened.

There stood Major Monogram, probably looking for me.

"Agent P, where- oh, there you are," he said in his usual deep voice. "Come in, come in. I have to talk to you…sort of a mission briefing, I guess."

I saluted nervously and followed him in another direction down the hall. A mission briefing? Pinky hadn't mentioned such a thing. Maybe Admiral Acronym didn't do this. Or maybe I was special somehow.

When we reached Major Monogram's office, he gestured to a chair in front of his desk. I hopped up into the chair, placing my tail delicately to the side. He sat behind the desk.

"Well, Agent P," he started, "you've been doing extremely well up to this point. You will soon be assigned to a nemesis and go your own way in the world. I wish you luck." As he talked, something changed in his face. He looked almost troubled.

"As you know, most of our agents get an 'easy' level test nemesis," he said, choosing his words carefully. "As you also know, you have put in a request for a 'medium' level."

My tail flicked back and forth nervously. This I had certainly done. I really had done exceptional during my training. The instructors told me so. They said I might just graduate at the top of the class. In fact, Agent D once told me that he expected good things on my part. I'd done my best not to let him down. But my request for a medium level nemesis…well, that had been my doing. I was going to ask for hard, but that seemed like overreaching. Pinky had advised against it, but I countered with, "Nothing ventured, nothing gained." It was true, after all. Pinky had merely shook his head when I put in my request. Now I was beginning to worry. What, really, was the difference between me and the rest of the agents? I was sure to be denied. Pinky would get his 'I told you so,' and I would get reproached.

"So, we've considered your request carefully. Wanda rejected it immediately, but she's not your superior," he said, referring to Admiral Wanda Acronym. "So our final answer is…" I braced myself for the flat 'no' that I was sure I would receive.

"We think that you should be allowed to try. Good work, Agent P. Your request is granted!" And he clapped and gave a rare smile.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I was glad that I wasn't expected to talk, mainly because I couldn't. If I was able to, I would definitely say something stupid and regret it.

"Now, good luck," continued Monogram, serious once again. "I hope you're ready."

I saluted as a way of confirming this. He opened the door and we both went out. He headed for the stands and told me to go back to the Practice Lair, where I would wait until someone called my name. I nodded. As soon as he was out of sight, I started shaking worse than Pinky. I headed down the hall, breathing deeply and trying to calm myself. As I sat down to wait, I was still trembling, but not as bad as before. Soon, the waiting was over. Then a voice from outside began to call loudly,

_Agent P, please report to the Practice Lair. I repeat, please report to the Practice Lair._

I took another deep breath and faced the entrance to the lair. My hand felt numb as I opened the door. I tried to convince myself that I wasn't dreaming, or watching a spy movie. Then I stepped into the ring.

When I came in, deafening applause met my ear slits. My agent classmates filled the stands, cheering happily. They had probably been there at Pinky's test, too, and for that matter, they were probably there for everyone else's as well. I scanned the stands and saw Pinky, cheering loudly in the front row. Suddenly, I was struck by guilt. I could just picture him scanning the rows, looking for me. If only I hadn't tried that flip. I should've known it was too difficult. I shook my head and reminded myself of why I was here. I took a few steps forward. Sound barriers went up between the crowd and me, and my spy watch beeped. I glanced down at it and pressed a button. The screen was blank, but a voice came out of the speakers. It was obviously pre-recorded, and it sounded rather scratchy and over-used.

"Agent P, your mission is to infiltrate Doctor Disaster's lair," said the voice. "Find out what he's up to, and put a stop to it. The best way in is through the window."

The voice stopped. I looked up and saw the low-ceilinged building that was obviously 'Doctor Disaster's' lab. The window looked weak and breakable. I took a breath to ready myself, then charged forward. I jumped with ease and flew straight through the window, sending fake glass splintering everywhere. As I landed, I rolled and tucked my head, and then stood to assume a fighting pose. It wasn't quite as dramatic as jumping out of a helicopter, but that was reserved for pros. I quickly checked the corners of the room, suspecting that someone might be there. I knew deep down that there wasn't anyone there at all, but I checked all the same. Then the door creaked open. My eyes snapped back onto it. A man in a neat-looking lab coat stepped out. Obviously, it was an android. After all, the agency couldn't have us beating up innocent scientists. Or perhaps they reserved them for the higher level agents. The man spoke in a robotic-sounding voice. It was plain to see that the agency's scientists hadn't perfected its audio settings.

"At last, you've arrived," he said. "I'd be glad to show you my evil scheme, but I can see that you're much too busy being trapped." He pressed a button on the wall. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I was expecting the mechanical arms from my dream. Instead, a cage dropped from the ceiling. I was stunned. A cage? Cages were the simplest of traps, the easiest of escapes, and certainly not medium level. Had there been a mistake?

Doctor Disaster laughed in a mechanical tone. He began to explain a wild scheme about evaporating all the water on earth, indicating a large ray gun in the corner that was aimed out the window. I completely ignored him and started looking for ways out. The cage, surprisingly, seemed impenetrable. It was definitely tougher than the foam cages we trained on. Just then, I noticed something. The bars bent if you pulled on them hard enough. It wasn't a perfect plan, but it was worth a try. I kicked the bars over and over, and soon they were quite dented. Being rather small and skinny, I figured I would be able to slip through. Getting my bill through was rather hard, but eventually I had fully escaped. Doctor Disaster gave a dramatic gasp. I didn't wait.

I rushed forward and swept his feet. He fell with a thump onto the floor, and I sprinted to the ray gun in the corner. There were several buttons on it and a timer counting down in a loud voice. Not seeing a way to stop the machine, I looked for the circuit board. It was a metal panel that looked securely fastened. I pulled at it for a moment before ripping it out. Then I took a pair of wire-cutters from a nearby table and neatly snipped all the wires. The machine began to beep, and electricity fizzed all around it. I backed away and crashed right into Doctor Disaster, who grabbed my arms in a restraining fashion. I kicked his shins, where sensors had been installed, and he let go. I ran for the window, but then something happened that I hadn't expected. Something grabbed my tail tightly. I let out a startled chatter and fell. When I looked back, the android was smoking. Its shins were downright dented. I supposed that was my work. It seemed to be going haywire. That, or it was just part of the getaway. I struggled hard and tried to pull my tail out of his grasp, but his hold seemed to be gradually tightening. It was already pinching me painfully. I winced and struggled harder. Just then, the machine began to smoke. Part of it blew up. I tried to drag myself away from it, but to no avail.

I glanced back again and saw the imminent danger. Mom was going to _kill _me- if I didn't die first. This wasn't supposed to happen on a practice showdown. It just wasn't. Surely someone would shut off the thing! I should've taken the easy level. What was I thinking?

Actually, I wasn't thinking anything, because at that moment, the entire lab exploded.

With me in it.


	2. Grounded

Well, every good secret agent movie has a few explosions, though I never thought I'd be in one. As Mom likes to say, every day is eventful in the emergency room, which is where I woke up. It was quiet, which seemed strange after all those explosions, and everything was white. Well, everything except me. It wasn't just the fact that my fur was usually teal, it was the issue with me being covered in soot and black stuff. I was a mess.

When I woke up, the first thing I noticed was that my hat was missing. I looked around and saw it on the table beside me. I quickly picked it up with trembling fingers and held it close. It looked fine. I hoped I wasn't much worse. Just then, the door opened and a strange pair came in- Major Monogram and Pinky. They tiptoed over quietly, so as not to wake me up, and sat beside the bed. I decided to listen and see what they would say.

"They say he'll recover," said Monogram in a whisper. "But it'll take time. What do you think, Agent Pinky?"

Pinky barked, which didn't mean anything to the Major, but was something I understood.

"I don't know. That explosion was pretty intense. I knew he shouldn't have asked for medium level! And there's a rumor going around that there was a malfunction…"

A malfunction? I had suspected that much, but now that I knew it was true, I felt a little better. At least I hadn't just screwed up. At least Pinky couldn't say 'I told you so'.

"Luckily, the android fell on top of him," continued Monogram. "I think that must have helped shield him from the explosion. Lucky, too. The practice lab was obliterated…"

"I don't know," said Pinky thoughtfully. "It looked to me like it just squashed him."

My heart rate must have increased, because there was a loud beeping noise from the foot of the bed, and Monogram and Pinky both whipped around to stare at it.

"Oh, I think he's waking up," said Monogram. "Agent Pinky, perhaps you should…?"

Pinky barked quietly. "Yeah, I'll just wait out here," he said, and he left the room.

I stirred and tried to sit up. Monogram tried to tell me to take it easy, but someone put a paw on my chest and pushed me back down. I looked up and saw the Agency's nurse, Agent F. She was a fox. Pinky once heard a rumor that she was so beautiful, agents would injure themselves on purpose in the hopes of being treated by her. I had never really agreed. But that could be because she was nearly always frowning and holding a bottle of headache pills whenever I saw her. I could see why- my head was killing me.

"You need to rest," she said sternly. "No getting up until I say so. And _don't_," she said, narrowing her eyes, "touch, move, or otherwise mess with your tail."

Now that she mentioned it, I realized that I _couldn't _move my tail. Getting scared, I tried to lift the blankets to see just how bad it was, but she gently pushed my hand back.

"Agent P!" exclaimed Major Monogram. "You're alive!"

There was no joke this time. He sounded serious. I put my hat on, and, out of habit, saluted weakly. Agent F pushed my hand back down again. I gave an irritated chatter.

"That was an admirable performance, Agent P," said Monogram proudly. Agent F scowled disapprovingly.

"What?" he said. She gave a short, clear bark.

"Oh, right," he said awkwardly. "An admirable, but dangerous performance. Perhaps I shouldn't have let you try the medium level. As for your results, we're still considering the fact that you didn't get out of the lab before it exploded. I've got my fingers crossed."

He crossed his fingers and grinned. Agent F rolled her eyes. I wanted desperately to tell him that Pinky was right and there had been a malfunction, but there was no way of getting the message across. Instead, I turned to Agent F and relayed it to her. She took out a pad of paper and a pencil and wrote it down. Then she gave it to Major Monogram.

He read it quickly and raised his unibrow. "A malfunction? Great googly moogly! I knew we needed a new intern, but this is ridiculous! Why, this could change the entire decision! Agent P, I've got to run before they flunk you. Get well soon!"

And with that, he dashed out of the room, still holding the paper message.

After he left, I turned back to Agent F.

"What's wrong with my tail?" I demanded.

She sighed. "You're not gonna like this," she said sternly. I rolled my eyes. Who knew why Agent F had become a nurse. She didn't seem to be the kind of caring, calm person you'd expect. And she didn't seem to be able to judge whether wounds were bad or not. So just hearing that told me that it wasn't as horrible as I had feared. I was wrong.

"Well, tell me anyway," I said decidedly. She covered her eyes with a paw, knitting her eyebrows together in an expression of concern. I gave her my full-force stare.

She gave in. "I'm just gonna say it. You've got third-degree electrical burns from the explosion all over your tail, and some other places, too. It's not pretty, I'll tell you that."

I was silent for a moment. I mean, I knew it had to be bad, but…

"Well, cheer up. It's not like you're gonna die," she said firmly.

I sighed. Though I wasn't too happy to admit it, she was right. It could be worse. My tail would recover in due time, and I'd be fine. Besides, I had expected much worse. Now I could have laughed at my previous suspicions, albeit shakily.

But Agent F wasn't done. "It'll take a while to recover. In the meantime, I prohibit you from all physical activities which require the use of your tail. You'll sit in bed, rest, and recover. If you like, I can check out some books from the library. Or you could study." She seemed to be trying to take the subject off of me being practically incapacitated.

I was horror-struck. No physical activities which required the use of my tail? Why did I ever ask for the medium level in the first place? Would it make me cooler? No. Would it help me graduate with top marks? No. Was there any point to it at all? I was beginning to think no. Just then, there was a fervent knock on the door.

"Come in, but be quiet, for heaven's sake," said Agent F, leaving with a sigh.

Pinky came in, panting and shaking as usual. He closed the door behind him quietly, then bounded over to my bed and started to talk at the speed of light.

"Perry, you're awake! You won't believe what just happened. I just saw Monogram run out the door and down the hallway and he said something about you getting flunked and he really looked worried, which is good I guess, but not if you're gonna get flunked. You're not, right? That would be really bad, huh? Yeah, I know!" he said, pausing to pant heavily. I didn't even have time to reply, since Agent F stepped back in and shushed him quietly. Pinky caught his breath and nodded. He continued talking in a hushed voice.

"It was really scary after you blew up- I mean, after the lab blew up," he continued quietly. "They carried you out on a stretcher, and everybody gasped, and I think some of the girls cried 'cause you were kinda limp and laying there like you were dead or something freaky, and your tail…"

"I know," I said, trying not to think about my tail. "Pinky, what happened? In detail."

Pinky took a deep breath. "Like I said, it was scary," he said. "Er, after the lab blew up, they sent out some agents to get you out. They found you underneath that android, and they said it 'acted as a shield'. Personally, I think you looked a little squashed."

"And then?" I prompted, feeling a strange mixture of curiosity and intimidation.

"Then they said your practice showdown was over, and they moved us all to a different practice lab," said Pinky. "I think they tried to proceed like nothing had happened and you were fine. No one bought it. I heard Agent K talking with Agent D," he said, referring to the cat and dog agents, "and she thought you were dead. Agent D…well, he just howled."

I nodded numbly. They thought I was dead. For that matter, why _wasn't _I?

"It doesn't matter, though," said Pinky with a grin. "You're alive, and that's what counts, hey, hey! Oh, and the results are tomorrow. I'm pretty sure they'll let you out for that."

Just then, Agent F cleared her throat. "Actually," she said, "You won't be going anywhere. But we can set up a video link so you can watch the results of your test."

"Dang!" said Pinky disappointedly. "Sorry, Perry…um, I'll bring you something from the graduation lunch, okay? How about a cookie? They always have cookies…"

I was silent. Maybe if I was lucky I wouldn't be left in the dust. But now I'd be stuck here, alone, while they all pursued their different careers. Basically, I was grounded.

Brilliant.


	3. Pinky Gets a Nemesis

A few days later, I had passed the test and officially graduated. Watching the graduation ceremony via video-link was nowhere near as exciting as being there. It was more like watching a reality show about my own life, except I wasn't in it. When they called my name, Major Monogram had to remind everyone that I was in the hospital and wouldn't be coming out for the ceremony. However, regardless of my being there or not, I still graduated. While everyone else applauded on the TV, I clapped weakly for myself and imagined what kind of speech I would've made. To Major Monogram it would've all been nonsense, but to everyone else, it would've meant something. They could have at least read it off for me, but it wouldn't have been the same. Now I'd never get to do it.

The next step to being a real secret agent was getting a nemesis. The agency gave each of us a long list of possible nemeses, and we all started looking through it. But while everyone else was setting up appointments with various nemeses, I was looking through the list and wondering how long it would be before they were all taken. There were quite a lot on there- Doctor Diminutive, Doctor Bloodpudding, Professor Destructicon, and others like them. Pinky liked one called-

"Professor Poofenplotz!" he howled with laughter when we looked through the list together. "What a name, hey, hey!" he laughed for a good five minutes before saying, "Ya know, I may just check her out. Admiral Acronym says she comes _highly _recommended. I don't know, though. She sounds like a nutto, huh? I may or may not go."

I told him that he should definitely try, but after he left, I put the list down on the nightstand and collapsed on my pillows. At least Pinky would get to fight _somebody_. I'd be lucky to get a minor threat status, which, essentially, was lower than easy.

One afternoon, while I was crossing off the names of the nemeses who had already been taken, Pinky bounded in, holding a sheet of paper and yapping excitedly.

"Perry! Perry! Perry!" he said hastily. "You're not gonna believe this!"

I set the list down and saw him jumping on the end of the bed, shaking it a bit. My tail, which had begun to recover lately, began to ache quietly. I begged Pinky to stop, and he complied. Then he sat on the foot of the bed, making sure not to squash my feet.

"So why are you so excited?" I asked in what I was afraid was a somewhat flat voice.

Pinky took a deep breath, showing his canines in a wide grin. "I've been assigned to a showdown with Professor Poofenplotz tomorrow!" he yapped excitedly.

I'm sorry to say that I wasn't particularly pleased. One part of me was clapping for Pinky- but the other part was disappointed by the fact that he would get an official nemesis before me. It felt somewhat disgraceful, but I couldn't shake my own sentiments.

"That's…" I started awkwardly. Then I put on a somewhat fake-looking smile. "That's great," I said. "Congratulations. I hope it goes well."

Pinky was too excited to notice that I wasn't being entirely sincere. "Thanks, hey, hey!" he said elatedly, and he began to hop on the bed happily. Just then, Agent F came in.

"So you've got a nemesis now?" she asked.

Pinky stopped bouncing for a moment to get a good look at her, nonetheless unabated. "Well, it's actually just a trial," he said. "But if it goes well, then yeah!"

"Congrats!" she said in a lighthearted tone. "Oh, sorry for eavesdropping…"

"It ain't nothing!" said Pinky happily, forgetting his many classes in grammar. Agent F smiled widely. I guess I could see why agents would injure themselves just to be near her. She had awfully white…fangs. Suddenly, she switched tack and rounded on me.

"Did you take your pills yet?" she asked sternly. I sighed and took the pills from the bedside table. As I reached for them, the paper I'd set down there fell to the floor. Pinky noticed it, leapt off of the bed, and picked it up with an excited, "Yap!"

"Ah, been keeping track of stuff, huh?" he said, referencing the fact that I'd crossed off the nemeses who had already been taken. "Remember this guy? Didn't his nemesis just recently retire, so now he's available again? That's weird, isn't it?"

I was too busy taking the pills to answer. They tasted like chalk, and I was having trouble choking them down. Agent F reached over and stroked my throat swiftly, forcing me to swallow the medicine. I coughed violently, causing Pinky to flip backward off the bed.

"Ah, that was fun," he said, adjusting his hat. "We just learned that. I'm not actually supposed to do it, though. It's reserved for battles, or emergencies. That," he said the last bit very emphatically, "was an emergency."

I blew my nose in a tissue, if only to hide my resentful scowl. I was so far behind, Pinky had even learned new techniques that I hadn't. And I was probably about to be the last agent without a nemesis, too. My life sucked. But I wasn't about to say that in front of Pinky. He was looking more and more excited, as if he wanted to go tell everyone about his showdown right then. For a moment, I wondered why he wasn't running off to do that, like he usually would. Then I realized that he probably felt bad just leaving me. So I faked a coughing fit so he would have an excuse to leave. He probably knew it was a trick, but that was the same as telling him he could go, so it was fine. After he left, I picked up the list and looked over it again, frowning.

Agent F came back in and gazed calmly at me. "Everybody's moving on," she stated. "I bet you feel left behind, don't you, sweetie?"

I scowled and didn't say anything. What did she think I was, a hatchling? She sighed.

"Kids these days," she muttered under her breath.

I ignored her, and she left the room to go take care of someone else or something. I glared at her retreating back, and then regretted it. After she had left, I turned back to the paper and crossed off Professor Poofenplotz. Judging by Pinky's flipping ability, he'd be fine.

At least his future was in the bag.

Metal clamps pinched my wrists and ankles, and empty air hovered beneath my dangling feet. If not for that, I'd have fallen, but I didn't. In the shadows, the same man from before was explaining how he planned to do something incredibly evil. I couldn't hear him quite right, but I knew I was in trouble if he got away with whatever he was scheming. I examined the robotic arms carefully and noticed something- they could stretch a little more than necessary. It was a crazy idea and it probably wouldn't do anything but get me very, very tangled, but I had to try. I put all my weight forward and tipped. Somehow my hat hung on as I turned upside down and back up again. I leaned forward again and repeated the motion, flipping over entirely. I kept this up until I'd flipped so much that the arms were completely entangled. Then I pulled hard, wrenching my arms and legs toward me. The arms began to stretch until neither I nor them could stretch any more. It was an impossible feat. It couldn't work. I knew that. But then, the arms snapped. I dropped to the floor, and without a moment of hesitation, I leapt at the shadowed man. I tackled him to the ground, and he shrieked as we fell. Then he pushed me off. I flipped in midair and landed on my feet. But he got up and pressed another button. The side of the building opened up, letting all the light from outside in. I covered my eyes to shield them from the burning sun, but while I was distracted, the man pressed yet _another _button (I was beginning to wonder why he had so many), and a huge machine rose out of the floor. He aimed it at the sky and laughed maniacally. The light was too much, and I couldn't open my eyes. I squinted a bit to get a look at what I was facing, but what I saw was not good. The ray gun fired into the air, but just as it went, I jumped and punched the man in the face. He yelped and accidentally pressed a button on the machine. A mechanical voice emanated from it and said,

SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE ACTIVATED. BEGINNING COUNTDOWN…

TEN.

NINE.

EIGHT.

SEVEN…

I awoke to excited yapping and barking, and without a doubt, I knew it was Pinky. There was also a good deal of shushing that I assumed was coming from Agent F.

"Good lord, Pinky!" she said in a reprimanding whisper. "He's still asleep!"

"Well, then, somebody wake him up!" said Pinky excitedly. "Wake up, wake up, wake-"

"For heaven's sake, Pinky, SHUSH!" hissed Agent F. Pinky fell silent.

I curled up in bed, then stretched luxuriously. When I finally opened one tired eye, Pinky was right in my face. I gave a strangled chatter and backed away. So did Pinky.

"Sorry," he said sheepishly. "But I was too thrilled to wait."

"It's okay," I said, rubbing my tail. It had nearly recovered thanks to Agent F's miracle pills and a good deal of painful treatment. My dream was fresh in my mind, and I was beginning to wonder whether it meant something. It was obviously a recurring dream, and I was pretty sure that it was about a showdown between me and…someone. Now that it occurred to me, I hadn't recognized him then, and I couldn't recognize him now. Then I realized that I'd been ignoring my visitor. I shook myself and turned back to Pinky, feeling obligated to smile.

"So why are you so excited?" I asked with interest.

Pinky looked as if he was about to burst. Seconds later, he did. "I JUST GOT MY FIRST NEMESIS!" he shouted excitedly. I couldn't help but be happy for him. I applauded and congratulated him. He bowed with great sincerity and extravagance.

"And looky, I took a picture!" he said happily, taking a photo out of his hat. He showed it to me, and I smiled again. It showed Pinky parachuting out of a building- or at least, I assumed that was what it was. It was rather blurred. From what I could make out, he had parachute straps on one of his hands, and there was an exploding building behind him.

"So you got Poofenplotz?" I asked.

"Yup!" said Pinky. "That's her building behind me."

I had figured as much. I turned the picture over and saw, scrawled on the back in Pinky's messy handwriting,

Pinky's First Mission

"I got another one, too!" he said, switching out the photo for another one. This one seemed to have been taken with a shaky hand, because it was blurry too. It showed a white-haired woman sitting at a vanity table, presumably putting on lipstick.

"It was hard to take this one, 'cause I was dangling from the ceiling," said Pinky.

"I can see that," I agreed. "So that's Professor Poofenplotz?"

"Yup, that's her," said Pinky. "She's so weird…"

I peered closer at the woman. She was wearing an odd-looking pink and purple dress, and from what was visible in the mirror, she had a distinctly pug-like face.

"We're gonna be nemeses forever, I just know it!" said Pinky happily.

I took a moment to think about that. If 'forever' meant all of Pinky's life, then he was probably right. The fact that most evildoers had many nemeses in their lifetimes was strange, but true. And for all Pinky knew, his nemesis might _replace _him. I silently promised myself that I wouldn't let that happen to me. Then, out of curiosity, I turned the photo over and saw another caption in Pinky's trademark scrawl;

Pinky's First Nemesis

Considering my previous thoughts, the words seemed slightly foreboding. Usually agents had one nemesis all their lives. A few had battled many different ones, but they were usually very nervous and were constantly watching their backs, as if expecting an attack. Pinky's first nemesis would probably be his only one, but that would be a good thing. I handed the picture back to Pinky, who took it with a smile. He started talking again.

"Ya know what else Agent F told me?" he said. "She said you'd be ready to go tomorrow! Cool, huh? And it's actually really lucky," he said.

I was thrilled, but I couldn't help but wonder why it was lucky. "How come?"

"'Cause Monogram says that's the last day you're allowed to go to a trial showdown. Only problem is, you don't have much of a choice about who you fight."

My face must have been priceless, because Pinky burst out laughing when he saw it. I didn't agree. I actually got to go to a showdown? I had thought that I would have to wait until next year, or whenever a new nemesis position opened up. Apparently, I was wrong.

"Pinky, why isn't there much of a choice?" I asked. Pinky stopped laughing.

"'Cause there ain't nobody left to fight but two guys!" he said. Then he kept laughing.

I groaned and fell back on my pillows. Then I picked up the paper from my bedside table and took a look at it. Several people still weren't crossed off.

"Who got taken already?" I asked torpidly.

Pinky, who had calmed down by now, answered with a shrug. "Well, Doctor Diminutive got taken by Agent M. Y'know, the mouse? 'Cause he's so small. And you know that guy with the super long name? Aloyse Everheart Alizablablabla…well, whatever. He's gone too…lemme think…" he thought for a moment. "And that Yakamoto lady? I think that was the last one…now she's Agent O's nemesis. So that leaves…" he gestured to my paper. I had just finished checking off Nora Yakamoto, so I scanned the list. All the names had a pencil line drawn through them but two. The one that jumped to my attention was a High Threat status. Apparently, he was so formidable that no one had dared to challenge him. I hoped I would get paired with him. Until then, I would just have to hope for the best.


	4. Dreams and Drama

That night, I had trouble falling asleep because I was so nervous about the next day. When I finally did, my subconscious decided to take a trip back into my recurring dream…

SIX.

FIVE.

FOUR.

The mechanical voice was blocking out most of my thoughts, but I did know one thing- I had to get out of this death trap. I ran to the edge of the building and looked over the edge. I only had one thing to say for the view- it was an incredibly _long_ way down.

Just then, something pushed me from behind and I fell. As I tumbled head-over-tail through the air, I managed to glance back up and saw the man up at the top of the building, laughing evilly. However, he lost his balance and fell after me. We fell together for a few moments, with him screaming loudly and me watching the ground get closer and closer. At some point, I realized that he was falling faster than I was. He reached out wildly, grabbing at the air. I wondered whether I ought to reach out for him. I could still deploy my parachute and save myself, whereas if I tried to save him, I would endanger myself. Plus, the two of us would probably make an even bigger splat on the pavement than if he fell alone. It was a split-second decision, and I just- (sigh). Oh, give me a break. It was just a dream.

I pulled my hand back, strapped a parachute belt around my waist, and shut my eyes. His yelling faded into the distance, but I never heard the crash that I was sure was unavoidable. Suddenly, a wave of regret overcame me, much worse than when Pinky tried to make me feel guilty. The last thing I heard was the mechanical voice, still counting down…

THREE.

TWO.

ONE.

My eyes snapped open. I was in the hospital bed, and someone was knocking on my door. Agent F bustled out of the next room over and opened it a crack to see who it was. Then she opened it all the way, and Major Monogram came in. I sat up in bed and saluted out of habit, reaching for my hat as I did so. He was about to say something when Agent F tapped his shoulder and he stopped. She turned to me.

"Perry, I just want to remind you that today's your release, and you're free to leave anytime you like," she said kindly. "But preferably before noon. Oh, and good luck with your nemesis." Then she winked and left the room. Major Monogram raised his unibrow.

"Okay," he said awkwardly. Then he turned back to me. "Agent P, glad to see you're recovered. And just in the nick of time. Today is the last day you can audition for a nemesis, or at least for these last two." Just then, there was a jingling noise from his pocket. He held up a finger as if to stall the conversation. "Uh, that's my phone. Hold on a minute."

He answered the phone and listened for a moment. Then he said, "Great googly moogly! You could have told me that before I got my whole 'help him make a decision' speech ready!" he sighed. "…Fine. Monogram out." And he hung up. Then he sighed.

"Agent P, there's been a change of plans. One of the remaining nemeses has just set up an appointment with Agent E, otherwise known as Eddy the Echidna. Sorry about that."

I hoped against hope that Eddy hadn't picked the High Threat status. That might just make all my waiting worth it. But I should have expected otherwise.

"So here's the information for your trial nemesis," said Major Monogram, handing me a sheet of paper. My face fell as I realized that Eddy _must_ have picked the High Threat nemesis. I scanned the paper disappointedly, raising an eyebrow when I saw the 'Average Threat' status next to his name. I raised both eyebrows when I saw his actual name.

STATUS: Average Threat

LOCATION: Danville

GENRE: Evil Science

NAME: Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz

"Now, remember," said Major Monogram cheerfully, "you don't actually have to pick this nemesis if you don't like him. Well, actually, that's not right. You're not supposed to like him. But, ah- well, I suppose- oh, you know what I mean!" he patted my shoulder with a smile. I'm afraid I must have looked somewhat disappointed, because he frowned.

"Y'know, if that android hadn't malfunctioned, none of this would have happened," he said ruefully. "I'm sorry it turned out this way, Agent P. But you've got to be strong!" and he returned to his usual serious expression. I quickly hardened my expression to match his and nodded. Then he reached into his pocket and pulled something out. It was a letter, bearing a large set of letters on its front that read, _OWCA_.

"Give this letter to Doofenshmirtz," he said. "It's a self-introductory note explaining who you are and who sent you. It will probably save you a lot of confusion."

I nodded and took it from him. Just then, there was another beeping noise. This time, it was my turn to stall the conversation. I held up my right paw, where my spy watch was beeping insistently. A reminder appeared, saying,

Trial Mission Briefing in 0:20 minutes

I have to admit, I was somewhat tempted to shout, "Great googly moogly!", but Major Monogram couldn't understand me, and shouting to myself wasn't funny. I indicated the watch screen, and he peered over to see it closer.

"Oh, gosh, I completely forgot about that," he said. "Well, I guess that was a briefing in itself, wasn't it? You can have the twenty minutes off to talk with your friends."

I nodded, and he left the room. I soon followed him, but I didn't even have to look for Pinky. He was right there outside the door.

"Perry!" he yapped happily, his tail wagging so fast it was a blur. "You're going? Now?"

"No, not now," I said quickly, before he could give me one of his tackle-hugs.

"So you're all healed? Tail and everything?" he said quickly, running around me to look at my tail. "And which nemesis did you get? I heard a rumor that one of them got taken! Is it true? Did you get the High Threat? I bet you did, huh? Yeah, I thought so! Hey, hey!"

I shut my eyes and let out my breath in a controlled way. We were both silent for a moment, with him trying to figure out why I was suddenly unresponsive.

Then I said, "Gosh, you ask a lot of questions."

"Yap!" said Pinky, by way of confirmation. "So, who'd you get?"

I handed him the paper as an answer. He scanned the page and laughed out loud.

"Doofenshmirtz!" he shrieked gleefully. "Hah! What is with all their crazy names?"

I shrugged. "Who knows," I said glumly. "But look at his threat status."

Pinky looked. "Pshaw," he said. "That's just what the agency thinks. It doesn't matter."

"Pinky, we work for the agency. How can you just say it doesn't matter?"

He seemed about to answer when we were interrupted by a beeping noise from my watch. The reminder was back, and it was flashing insistently.

Trial Mission in 0:05 minutes

My eyes widened. "Oh my gosh, Pinky!" I said anxiously. "My trial mission's in five minutes! I have to go right now."

I tried to run off, but Pinky stopped me. "Not without a hug you don't!"

He tackled me with a bear-er, Chihuahua hug, and then backed off.

"And one more thing," he said. He reached behind him, rummaged around for a moment, and then pulled a camera out of thin air. He offered it to me.

"When you meet your nemesis, take a picture, okay?" he said with a smile. I took the camera, thought for a moment, and smiled gratefully.

"Thanks, Pinky," I said. "I'll be sure to do that."

Pinky grinned. "Good luck, hey, hey!" he said cheerfully, giving me the thumbs up.

"Thanks," I said, and I tipped my hat. I was going to need all the luck I could get.


	5. Meeting Dr Doofenshmirtz

Years later I would probably remember getting into the hover car that I was allowed to rent, picking up the instructions that had been left on the passenger seat, and flying out of the agency's headquarters for the first time. The aerial view of Danville was breathtaking, despite being somewhat terrifying. After I had taken in as much of the sights as I could stand, I parked on a nearby roof and checked the directions.

Apparently, Doctor Doofenshmirtz had gone out to the photo store to get his picture taken. The agency was planning to use the picture as a file photo. I had decided to spy on him for a minute, just to see what I was up against. So far, I hadn't reached the photo store yet, but I was getting close. I put the keys in the ignition and lifted off the building, scanning the shops below me as I flew. The tracking system installed in the hover car suddenly beeped loudly. I looked down and saw the store, whose pastel-yellow sign read:

**Schnell Foto**

I parked the hover car and got out, keeping an eye on the store as I headed for it. Just before I crossed the street, the door opened. I ducked behind a mailbox so I wouldn't be seen. Then I peered out carefully from behind it and saw a man in a lab coat standing in front of the café across the street. He was smiling and holding a square sheet of paper, which I assumed was a photograph. Just then, he must have noticed something odd, because he looked across the street at the mailbox. I quickly ducked behind it, trying not to breathe. Everything was still for what seemed like an age. Eventually, I heard more footsteps, the opening and closing of a car door, and the sound of an engine starting. As soon as I was sure I was safe, I peered out again. As I had expected, there was no one there. I let out my breath in a huge gasp and panted for a moment, breathing in great gulps of the warm summer air. I had no idea that spying on someone could be so strenuous. Doctor Doofenshmirtz certainly knew how to scare people. Then something occurred to me. Now that I had let him slip away, how was I going to track him? I sat for a moment and thought. After pondering it for a moment, I decided I'd have to get out the tracker again. I dashed back to the corner where I'd parked the hover car and lifted off, ignoring the openmouthed stares of several bewildered bystanders. Then I flew away, over the city, without looking back. I was completely unaware that I would probably remember those moments for the rest of my career.


	6. The FoosballRig Inator

Fifteen minutes later, my APS (Agent Positioning System) had led me to an odd-shaped purple building that looked a bit like an F. Part of it stuck out on the side, while the space where it ought to have been was empty, like a deck. There was a distinct smell of smoke around it, as if something inside or near it had recently detonated. Deciding to take the usual approach, I parked the rental hover car in front of it and went inside.

The interior of the building was a reception area, or maybe a lounge. There was a man and woman at the back of the room, both typing at computers behind a desk. Rows of chairs lined the walls, and a logo on the back wall read,

Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated

It was written in big, purple letters. I checked the directions I'd been given and headed for the elevator. I pressed the call button, which made a noise like a high-pitched bell. The woman at the desk looked up, didn't see anyone, and turned back to her computer. Then the doors opened. I went inside. The woman looked up again, still didn't see anyone, and turned away, somewhat unnerved. I checked my directions, then pressed the button for the 45th floor. The doors closed with a light _ding_, and the woman jumped nervously.

If I had still been there, I would've seen a man look up from the desk beside her and say, "Harriet, have you considered switching to decaf?"

In the elevator, I took a moment to readjust my hat and make sure I looked okay. The last thing I wanted to do was make a bad impression on my first showdown. The ride seemed to take forever, leaving me plenty of time to be nervous and anticipate whatever might happen. I wished Agent E hadn't picked the High Threat level. Now I was probably going to be stuck with some lame-o that I would regret. No, if I had to wish something, I would wish that I had never requested a medium level showdown at all.

I sighed as we reached the 35th floor, and I took out the letter Major Monogram had given me. I was supposed to give it to my new nemesis, as a self introduction, although I wasn't sure how exactly to do that. What would I do, knock politely, hand him the letter, and then tackle his legs out from underneath him? However, I didn't have any time to think about it, because right then, there was a small _ding, _and the elevator doors opened. I stepped out and saw a long, carpeted hallway. The walls were the same shade of purple as the exterior of the building, and they were lined with doors. I glanced down at my directions to see which one of them I should knock on. The room I was looking for was farther down the hall, so I started after it. The carpet felt strange under my feet, and the neon lamps next to each door cast a green light on my fur. Finally, I found the room I was looking for. I rang the doorbell, which didn't actually ring. Instead, it made a jingling noise that sounded like a song.

"Hold on, I'm coming," said a high, squeaky voice from inside. My eyes widened. Where did I know that voice from? I gripped the letter tightly as I heard footsteps approaching.

Then the door opened just a crack, and the man I had seen before peered out. Up close, I could see that he had a long, pointy nose, rather sprout-like brown hair, and a protruding chin. He raised an eyebrow when he saw me, and I thought for a moment how I must look- a small, fedora-wearing platypus at the door, probably looking like he was about to die from nerves. We were both silent for a moment while we stared at each other.

Then he spoke, lessening the tension. "A platypus?" he said in confusion. I held up the letter, my hand shaking imperceptibly. He took it and frowned. "Hold on a second."

He closed the door, and there was a clicking sound. Then he opened it fully and I could see him clearly. He was wearing gray slacks, a black turtleneck, and the lab coat I'd seen him in before, and he was holding the now opened letter. He was still scanning the paper as he said, "…so, Perry the platypus, huh?"

I nodded, then realized he wasn't looking and chattered instead.

"I've never met a platypus before," he said, looking up with an appraising half-smile.

_I've never met an evil scientist before, _I thought to myself. He didn't seem very evil.

"Well, come inside, I guess," he said, stepping aside so I could come in. I was bewildered. No trap? No attack? Was I in the right place?

"You're here for a trial, right?" he said as I padded through the door. I didn't answer as I took a moment to look around the room. It was dark inside, with only one window and lots of shadows. All the walls were a dark purple color, although the floor was a dark olive green (I was beginning to notice a pattern). The place definitely fit the description of an 'evil lair', even though I'd never actually been to a real one before.

"Well, I'm Doctor Heinz Doofenshmirtz. I'm so excited to meet you…By which, of course, I mean," he took out a remote and grinned evilly. "COMPLETELY BORED!"

He pressed the button, and a foosball table dropped from the ceiling. It landed overtop of me with a huge THUD, and I ducked and covered my head. When I looked up, I saw that the legs of the table had chicken wire wrapped around them, so it seemed nearly impossible to escape. I did have one thing to say for the trap- it was certainly original.

Doofenshmirtz started cackling evilly and bent down to look in at me.

"Ah, the look on your face!" he said gloatingly. "You must be one of those guys who just graduated. By the way, do you like my trap?" he asked. "I made it out of chicken wire I found in my attic, and a foosball table I was experimenting on! You see…er…" he checked the letter again, "…Perry the Platypus…I have never been good at playing foosball. When I was young, my parents would often press me to play the game more often, but I was so bad at it that it was never really fun." He began to stride in circles as he talked, although the most I could see of him was his legs and a little of his lab coat, which swished back and forth as he walked.

"So, just a few days ago, I noticed a foosball contest taking place in the Danville Park," he continued. "I didn't seem to have gotten any better at the game…" he scowled and indicated a trophy on a nearby shelf. Inscribed on the nameplate was,

Better Luck Next Time!

"They didn't even have a good consolation prize. It's just a Cuppy-Cake, of all things," he said resentfully, holding a small plastic package where I could see. It was marked, '_Cuppy-Cake Pastries'_, and inside was a small chocolate-frosted cupcake.

"See?" he said. "I don't even want to eat it! I hate these things!" And he flung it over his shoulder carelessly. Then he strode over to the wall, beside a large, tarp-covered object.

"But this machine will change everything!" he said triumphantly. "Behold!" He pulled down the tarp to reveal a huge ray gun, far enough from the cage so that I could see it.

"The Foosball-Rig-Inator!" he said in a loud, impressive voice. I raised an eyebrow.

"I bet you're wondering what it does, eh?" said Doofenshmirtz, leaning on the machine. "This baby will rig any foosball table it hits, so that I win any games played on it! And why would I need this after the contest is already over, you ask? Because they're holding another, and I intend to win it and regain my self-confidence in table soccer!" he cackled evilly again, and then he started messing with the machine, aiming it carefully out a window. Then he glanced around and picked up a plug.

"Y'know, if I can ever find a place to plug it in," he said awkwardly.

I was still stunned. All he wanted to do was win a foosball tournament? Was it even worth trying to foil? I was considering calling the agency about it when my watch communicator started beeping. Surprised that they were checking on me instead of the other way around, I pressed a button and Major Monogram's face appeared on the screen.

"Ah, Agent P," said Monogram. I saluted. "Just checking in. So, how's the mission going?"

I held up the watch to show him the trap, and, through the trap, Doofenshmirtz. He was now typing on a keypad on his Foosball-Rig-Inator, presumably messing with the settings.

"Agent P, what's this trap made out of, a foosball table? And chicken wire?" said Monogram incredulously. I nodded, forcing back a smile. He looked exactly how Mrs. Flynn looks when she's thinking, "I don't know, but I don't want to know."

"Yeah, Doofenshmirtz is a little nutty like that," he said.

Suddenly, Doofenshmirtz broke out into evil laughter for apparently no reason.

I gave Monogram a suspicious look.

"Okay, maybe more than a little," he admitted. "But, let me give you a hint- think the way your enemy thinks. In this case- unconventionally."

I was confused, but he wasn't about to elaborate.

"Well, good luck, Agent P," said Monogram. "If you need any help, just call for backup."

I saluted, hoping I wouldn't have to call for backup anytime soon. The screen went blank.

I turned back to the chicken wire trap, considering an attempt to unwind it. I tried, but all it did was hurt my fingers. So instead, I turned around in a circle, looking for holes in the wire. There were none. I wish I had asked Agent F how foxes always got through chicken wire, but it had never occurred to me that it might be something I would need to know. I wasn't even sure foxes ever got through chicken wire at all. Eventually, I decided I wouldn't be getting out through the sides of the trap, and I turned my attention to the ceiling. The underside of the foosball table looked like it might be made of cork, as it was a mottled light brown. I knocked on it, and it made a somewhat solid noise. I kept knocking all over until the table made a different sound- a hollow sound. I realized that I must be directly beneath one of the goals. Getting an idea, I began to search my pockets.

"You know, I have to be really precise when I fire this thing, because it takes a little while to charge," said Doofenshmirtz from by his Inator. "It's kind of a pain in the neck."

Meanwhile, I had found what I was looking for- a miniature buzz saw. I raised it to the ceiling and pressed the power button. It turned on with a loud buzzing noise that must have carried across the room, because Doofenshmirtz turned with an irritated look.

"Hey, could you keep it down?" he shouted over the noise. "I'm trying to carry out a diabolical plot here!" Having finished using it anyway, I turned the saw off.

He raised an eyebrow. "Wait a minute…" he said suspiciously.

But it was too late. I pushed at the section of table I had sawed, and it popped up like a hatch. I climbed up, squeezed through the goal, and landed on the ground neatly. Doofenshmirtz gasped dramatically, his mouth forming a perfect O of surprise. However, it quickly changed into a malevolent grin.

"You may have escaped, Perry the Platypus," he said, "but you are still too late!" I tensed, ready to run toward him, but he held up his hands and shouted, "Wait, wait, is it eleven o' clock yet? Wait…just a minute now…"

We were both silent for a few moments while he eyed his wristwatch.

Then he looked up triumphantly and shouted, "Now! Now you are too late!"

As if to answer my disbelieving stare, he crossed his arms smugly and said, "I promised myself I wouldn't let anyone stop me after eleven o' clock."

Then he pressed a button on the Foosball-Rig-Inator. It shook violently for a few moments while he laughed evilly, during which I decided not to waste any time. I picked up the ball from the foosball trap and flung it at the machine. It hit it squarely, and the machine spun around to face the foosball-trap. It shot out a green ray, which sliced through the air with a shrill ringing noise and flew over my head as I ducked. Behind me, it zapped the table.

"NOOOOO!" said Doofenshmirtz in panic, waving his arms frantically. Then he rounded on me. But just then, the ball I had thrown at his Inator bounced back, hit him on the head, and landed back in the foosball trap, where it settled obstinately in the middle. I snickered a little as he rubbed his head furiously. He charged at me, but I evaded him by flipping over the table. We faced each other at opposite goals.

"Well, you may have prevented me from using my Foosball-Rig-Inator on my intended target," said Doofenshmirtz, beginning to grin again. "But it still hit something!" He seized the control sticks on one side of the board. "And if I can't win my foosball tournament…" he continued, grinning maniacally, "I'll just have to win against you!"

Getting the idea, I grabbed the other control sticks. The ball drifted lazily into neutral territory for a few tense moments. Then Doofenshmirtz kicked it with one of his players, and an intense match began. It was a fierce battle, with him shooting shot after shot at my goal, and me trying desperately to prevent him from succeeding. The scores began to stack up, and my chances weren't looking too good. The Foosball-Rig-Inator had done its work well, and Doofenshmirtz was always one point ahead of me. Eventually, the score was tied, with both of us at nine points each. The next point would win the game. We kicked the ball around for several pointless minutes, making aimless shots at each others' goals. I was exhausted, barely preventing a loss. I had to say, the agency had never covered this in their practice sessions. It was new, exciting, and, frankly, bewildering.

"You have fought a good battle, Perry the Platypus," said Doofenshmirtz, tired but still evil. "But as a result of my diabolical cheating, I will win this game!"

He made another harder, faster shot at my goal, which I barely deflected. The ball went flying toward the Foosball-Rig-Inator, which we had completely forgotten about. It hit a button and the machine zapped the table again, causing the both of us to jump back.

"ACK!" said Doofenshmirtz in panic. "No, if you use it again, it works in reverse!"

Just then, the ball flew back into play. Seizing the golden opportunity while Doofenshmirtz was distracted, I spun the control stick in a circle, whapping the ball in the sweet spot and sending it flying into Doofenshmirtz's goal. He looked up in horror and shrieked, "No, that's cheating! NOOOOOO!" Which hadn't occurred to me at all. Oops.

He stared at the goal with a crushed expression. I decided to use the moment of distraction to my advantage and return to my original mission- destroy the Foosball-Rig-Inator before it could wreak any more havoc. I started to run towards the machine, but Doofenshmirtz saw what I was up to before I could reach it. He chased after me, tackling my ankles just as I reached the Inator. I tripped and fell flat on my face, making an embarrassing squeak as I did so. I began to struggle, tail flying and limbs flailing. I couldn't even see Doofenshmirtz, but his hold on my ankles loosened a small bit. I slapped him with my tail, but the slap was too strong. It carried on past Doofenshmirtz's head and hit a button on the Foosball-Rig-Inator. The machine began to make an ominous beeping noise. It shook violently back and forth.

And then a mechanical voice blared from somewhere, announcing,

SELF DESTRUCT SEQUENCE ACTIVATED. BEGINNING COUNTDOWN…

TEN.

NINE.

EIGHT.

SEVEN.

I realized with a shock that I had heard that voice before- the whole scene was exactly like my recurring dream. That meant I had to get out of there, and quick, before it exploded. I climbed up on top of the Inator and peered out the window. Just like my dream, it was an incredibly long drop. I leapt up onto the windowsill, preparing to leap out, but then I remembered something else. In the dream, I hadn't _leapt _out the window- I had been _pushed _out the window. I whipped around just in time to see Doofenshmirtz about to push me, and I grabbed his outstretched hands. However, it was too late. I teetered back and forth for a moment before I fell backwards out of the window, pulling Doofenshmirtz with me. I tried not to look as we fell farther and faster, the wind nearly pulling my hat off. All I could think about was my dream, where exactly this situation had happened. I had been hoping it was just a dream and nothing more, but I was beginning to think better of that. Out of the blue, I remembered Pinky's champion puppy face, which didn't make me feel any better. I glanced over at Doofenshmirtz, if only to prevent myself from thinking of Pinky's puppy face.

Doofenshmirtz wasn't even looking at me. He was screaming as if the world would end, eyes shut and hair flying wildly. It would have been comical if he wasn't right, in a way. We really were about to die, unless I could do something about it. But wasn't it wrong to save your enemy? Wasn't I supposed to let him fall? I glanced at the ground nervously. Then I glanced at Doofenshmirtz. His screaming was preventing me from thinking straight, but I did have one irrevocable thought- I would never be able to live with the guilt of letting this happen. And as determination took over me, I realized something else.

There was no way I would let him fall.

You know, nearly becoming a splat on the pavement really speeds up your thoughts. I had never thought faster in my life as I strapped a parachute belt around me, seized the scruff of Doofenshmirtz's lab coat, and yanked the cord. The parachute billowed out behind me at the last possible moment, jerking Doofenshmirtz into a stunned silence. Suddenly, the rushing in my ears was gone, and the world was silent, as if it had been abruptly muted. Then, after a few awkward moments, Doofenshmirtz looked up at me with a confused expression. We were still silent.

"…Um," he said. I cleared my throat and looked away. Was it a good thing to save a bad guy's life? I wondered what the agency would have to say about it.

But just as I was considering contacting them, my watch started beeping and received a signal. The screen fizzed into focus, and Major Monogram's face appeared.

"Agent P, good work!" he said approvingly. "You have successfully thwarted Dr. Doofenshmirtz's plans, and your trial mission is now over. You can return to home base whenever you like. Oh, and by the way, I think that mission went great."

I saluted breathlessly, mainly because we were still falling. Then the screen went blank.

"Uh, I don't know exactly how to say this," said Doofenshmirtz from below me, "but…thanks. I don't think I've ever had a nemesis who would save my life."

Just as I was beginning to be somewhat touched by that, he changed tack.

"PSYCHE!" he yelled. Then he laughed evilly. "Ha! I got you! Ha ha ha…"

I scowled and wondered whether I should have caught him in the first place. Just then, a truck marked _'Cuppy-Cake Pastries' _passed underneath us. I grinned as Doofenshmirtz finally looked down. A look of terror crossed his face.

"You wouldn't," he said in horror. I chattered, grinning mischievously, and promptly released him. He yelled loudly as he fell through the top of the truck, landing right in the middle of several packages of Cuppy-Cakes, which exploded on him. If I had been there to see it, I would've seen him covered in cake, frosting, and cream.

Then he spit it out, shook his fist in the air, and yelled, "Curse you, Perry the Platypus!"


	7. A Wonderful Animosity

Later that day, I returned to headquarters to return the rental hover car. I had barely stepped out of the vehicle when I was tackled by a whirlwind of tan-colored fur.

"You're back, hey, hey!" said Pinky happily through his Chihuahua-hug.

"Yes, I'm back," I said in a strangled voice. "Could you please get off? I can't breathe."

He backed off, shaking in excitement, his tail wagging fervently.

"What happened? Did your mission go well? I bet it did, huh? Was Doofenshmirtz a nutto? He sure sounds like one! I bet he is. Yep, he's cuckoo! What did he build? How did you destroy it? How did you escape? Did anything blow up? It's so cool when stuff blows up! Yeah, I bet a _ton _of things blew up-"

"PINKY!" I shouted. Pinky stopped, wide eyed and silent. His ears dropped.

"Please stop talking my ear off," I said in a considerably quieter voice. "See, this is why I have ear _slits_. Because of you and your crazy long sentences."

"Huh," said Pinky, scratching his ear ponderously. "I thought it was a family thing."

After that, I told him all about my mission. He laughed like crazy at the foosball battle (I guess it was sort of silly). I didn't bother to explain my dream about battling Doofenshmirtz, though- that might seem weird. I mean, who dreams about their future nemesis? Nobody I know, that's for sure. And speaking of that…

"So, you gonna pick Doofenshmirtz?" said Pinky, calm at last. I shrugged, still thinking.

"Yeah, you probably don't know, 'cause Eddy the Echidna came back from his trial mission a little while ago, and he don't got no good news," said Pinky. "He says the Regurgitator's too serious, so he's gonna wait for a new nemesis position. That means you could go to a trial mission with him tomorrow, hey, hey!"

I listened intently. I had really wanted the high threat status. If I could really handle it, it might just win me respect and fame throughout the agency. But after today's mission, I wasn't sure. I hadn't just done a good job on it…I had genuinely had fun. Was it worth it?

"So," said Pinky excitedly, "Are you going to battle him?"

I thought about that for a moment. Then I took out a photograph and looked at it.

"…No," I concluded. Pinky looked stunned.

"But I thought you really wanted the high threat!" he said.

"Yeah…" I said slowly. "But I already took this…"

I held up the photograph where he could see it. Pinky, for once, was silent, but he smiled. The picture had obviously been taken from a great height, as it showed the top of a truck. There, plummeting toward the truck with a rather comical expression, was Doofenshmirtz. I turned the picture over, where I had written a caption. I smiled proudly. Pinky's picture was of his 'first' nemesis, but I had written something different:

**Perry's Nemesis**

This was going to be a wonderful animosity.

THE END


End file.
